Time, Speed and Velocity

"Maybe I'm disturbing. Perhaps I should just keep quiet and move on.", her little mind echoed and her head nodded agreeably. Her fingers quickly typed him a text. "This will be the last message and I don't want to be a nag to anyone. Life is too short to worry for a man who doesn't have time for his lady." She realized that things had been very quiet lately and she tried asking but unfortunately it's just not working the way normal relationships work.

Is she expecting too much? "Well, certainly NO!", her heart almost screamed mad. "Well, not at all.", she said again, this time calmly but firmly. "Why shouldn't there be expectations? Everyone have expectations especially when it comes to relationship. It is only fair to have expectations because otherwise there is not going to be anything to look forward", she challenged herself. Certainly, it is a lie or denial when one says one has no expectations or whatsoever in a relationship. "Bullshit!!!", she smiled at herself, "State of denial, no expectations it seems. Yeah right!". Again she affirmed "Every relationship has expectations." Everything and anything is acceptable, as long as it is within ones capacity and limit.

Is it the distance? She quickly worked out the formula for distance. It involves time and velocity. Even if one of the variable slows down, the whole process of communication becomes snail pace."Is it time? Distance or velocity?", she gave up.

Perhaps so but again, there are so many who maintain a healthy long distance relationship. Even she was in one such before and it had lots communication.Why do people seem to take it granted when it comes to communicating to their loved ones but could talk rocket science to the world!!

"Ego perhaps? What ego and why ego with the one you love? ", her heart mocked at her. She giggled, because she knew how much loss EGO could bring. She herself had almost lost it all due to her own super bubble bursting ego. However, she survived, thanks for a good friend! 

A relationship requires some degree of commitment from both parties especially when it is long distance. Time is crucial, essential and need to be well managed between the two so that the circuit doesn't break.
A relationship is not just within one person's efforts. It has to be of collective effort. Perhaps it is just the individual themselves, initiative and most of all determination.

She tried asking directly. She wondered how many times more to ask. She told once and then twice. Still there didn't seem like to have any changes at all. It only gotten more quiet. Maybe it was a mistake she asked so directly. Now she decided she would keep mum and let it take it's own course. 

She looked out of her window, in deep thoughts with a mug of hot tea in her hand. She sipped it slowly, didn't realize it was burning hot and burnt her lips slightly. It didn't bother her much because at the moment it is her heart that is burning. She was determined to take one step at a time and not to be frozen in time. She had come a long way. Her matured heart knows very well what she needs in a relationship.

Her heart is not exactly perfect, it has stitches and patches too, but she is determined not to let those come in between her happiness. Well, end of the day, it takes two hands to clap. It takes two hearts to move on and it takes two to communicate!

Maybe this is the best solution she could find. A solution that will not hurt her already hurt heart. A solution that would keep her looking forward for more in life. A strong gush of wind blew on her face. Instantly brought her mind to the present. Her lips curved upwards, slowly she closed the window and reached for the TV remote. "Hmmm Tom and Jerry cartoon", she smiled, perhaps some relationship is all about that!! 

Her Mind and Heart

Her beautiful dream was rudely awakened by the mad alarm. "It's already 5.45am. So fast.", she sighed. Suddenly she remembered, and clumsily reached for her mobile phone. Checked for miscalls and messages. There were a few missed calls and messages. Her half asleep eyes captured the green message icon. Yes, she was expecting it but somehow last night she dozed off. She had a faint smile on her face.

"Let me take my shower first then I shall reply", she smiled to herself. Quickly she rushed to the washroom and did the needful for the day. Washed herself, shampooed her hair. Cold. Cold. Cold. Came to her room like a wet chicken! One hand clutched her towel, making sure it doesn't slip and another held the mobile phone. Her hair was wet and it dripped where she stood. It was spine piercing cold but she was determined to reply the messages from the green icon! "Good Morning. Sorry I dozed off last night.". Just before she could put her mobile away, "Triinggg", her mobile vibrated. Immediately a reply came from the other end, "Good morning. I thought so". "Urrghh, it's so early for the other person", she mumbled to her smile but was happy to get a reply. A few flirtatious messages were exchanged and she had to cut it short as she was yet to dress for work. Moreover, it was terribly cold sitting there half naked and hair soaking wet.

Put on her orange blouse and black skirt. Light make-up; eyeliner, mascara and lip gloss. Glanced herself in the mirror. "Hmmmmm", satisfied with her appearance for the day she quickly gragged her handbag and dashed out of her room like a princess running after her prince.

Practically, it takes one hour drive from her house to work place. The background music was soothing. It was one of her favourite number, "Munbe vaa enn anbe vaa". She gave out a huge sigh and her memory went to the past. Somehow it found its way back to past so swiftly. She was merely holding the wheel but her conscious mind had gone back to the past.

Biting her lips she pondered how it was all so beautiful, every bit of it, every moment. Sweet yet challenging it was. The dances in the rain, those wet messy kisses she would plant on him just to be returned with warm tantalizing passionate kisses on her lips and those bearly hugs that would melt her instantly. How he would just push her against the wall, press himself against her and romance her so gently. Those beautiful and naughty conversations that tickled her. Just how he always managed to make her happy and smile. Made her snobby face laugh. Laugh like there is no regrets of anything.

Warm tears trickled on her cheek. Oppss luckily she was wearing a waterproof liner and mascara. Those memories she would forever treasure and cherish the man who helped her mature.

"Tringgg", another message came in. Her mind is forced to the reality. She waited till she was at a traffic light to read the message. She smiled wide reading the message. In lightning speed she typed a reply. Sent it.

What is happening now? The man she once loved is now no more. That is the reality. That is a long bygone history. She had somehow overcome the worst of all that but now a new battle begins.A battle between her heart and mind.

Who is this person now who comes in the form of a green message icon? Why does she gets so excited at the sight of the green icon? Why is icon taking so much place in her life? Or why is she giving so much priority?

Soon she realised that she had actually put the green messenger in the place of her ex. Unknowingly and unwillingly it just happened. Although the mind denies but hypocritically she enjoys the company. Silently, smiles at every naughty liners sent. Secretly replies them too.

The messenger had put a smile and laughter on her face again. After many years she is talking to someone freely. Without fear and without any objections. Genuinely, she is being herself. She is not grumpy, snob or doesn't ignore like she does to others.

She talks to the green messenger like she talks to her ex. She sees and hears her ex in the green messenger.  The way the green messenger smile, talks, writes..hmmm she had just imagined her ex in all. Too much of resemblance and coincidence?  She treats the green messenger as one. Filling in the vacuum perhaps.

Heck, yes. She had imagined the green icon in the place of her ex. Her heart is playing a trick on her again. "Oh no, not this time", she tells herself affirmatively. She repeated that a few times as if chanting mantra.

Suddenly her super high ego grabbed her. How could she have this thoughts when it was her who set the rules. She had told the messenger there can't be anything more than friendship. Now, it looks like the rules have left her far behind. She is now drowning against the rules she set.Drifting far away.

Perhaps she should have just allowed the green messenger to play the cards. After all the messenger approached her first. Letting the messenger decide would have made her life easier but then she acted quick in setting the rules. Ya, once hurt forever the scar stays, maybe that was the reason for her setting the rules,

But why does she feel so strongly for this unknown green messenger? Talks so freely yet cautiously. On another hand, she worries she might be just filling in the vacuum. The loneliness and quietness of her life had made her turn to the stranger. Perhaps so? Although she refuses to acknowledge how she feels, deep inside she knows. What is it like.

Fine she feels, anticipates but that is it. Nothing more. It just wont happen. Perhaps its is just clapping of one hand in air. The messenger maybe merely killing time with her. Just another message and another lingo. The green messenger hadn't expressed anything, maybe she that is because she had shut him with the rules way too early. Perhaps. Perhaps so.

"Give yourself a chance.", her heart whispered.

"Give a chance and let history repeat itself?", hissed her mind.

"If you don't try you will never know. Express how you feel. Let go your ego.", stressed her heart.

"Express how you feel and get mocked? It is just an illusion.", challenged her mind.

"Do what your heart says.", echoed her heart. "You will be just hurt again. Be careful.", her heart warned.

The battle has just begun. "Tringgg", her WhatsApp triggered again.She smiled just as how she would smile at her ex and replied the text.

Please vote for the post HERE if you like it.

Feel free to leave our comments too. TQ

It's Just a Colour

“It’s just a colour”, I whispered, more of an attempt to convince me myself actually. But that is what that has been bothering me. Annoying too! Why does it have to be the same colour all the time? Or is it just me who’s been too paranoid about it? Do others see him the same way? Perhaps they see him in more colours than I do, but is that possible? Oh God, if they do and I don’t, does that mean I am categorically colour blind?

I dare not ask anyone about the man in green as I’m afraid I might stir the hornet’s nest. My questions could also break the many years of tradition and acceptance. Shall it not shatter the beliefs and norms of the society towards the man in green? “But why?” It’s all I ask myself again and again as I scratched my not so itchy forehead. Just like a silly child who would ask her mother thousands of “whys” only to be shut in the end with a candy.

The rainbow has seven colours. My lips curved a cheeky smile with that thought. Seven colours, seven days in a week – so, why doesn’t he turn in rotation of such colours? That would be different. Metamorphosis doesn’t need to be in green only. My mind began to transmute him in seven different colours. Just like a slide, one after another. Somehow, my mind now refuses to see him in other colours. All though literally I tried imagining him in other colours, it’s only green I see. My thought’s been clouded with nothing else but only green. “Ahh…” Again, it’s just a colour. What is in an exterior look anyway?

Maybe green is his colour. It’s probably meant for him, just him. He’s televised to be so extraordinary in such a common colour. Lovable and seekable by all.  I gulped my hot Milo, along with it the questions too. Buried them like a turtle’s egg for now, which would soon surface in due time. Slowly my hand reached for the remote control and selected the Star Movies channel.

“It’s ok, it’s just a colour”, I sighed at the sight of the half-naked green hulk running after a thug. “Kids, Incredible Hulk had started”, I yelled on top of my voice, as though I’m finally convinced. My mind could now decipher what my eyes see. 

Please vote for this post HERE if you like it. Thank you. 

Photo source: http://www.valeriewriter.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/incredible_hulk_ultimate_destruction_strong.jpg